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[May. 29th, 2008|10:48 pm] |
i'm moving to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) epiclovesong. and i'll probably delete this journal in a few days. since my computer is really shitty right now, i got hacked and then this creepy coke head found my journal and i would like to avoid him.. soo..yeah, moving. |
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| Catch my disease. |
[May. 29th, 2008|02:23 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Kitchen table. | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Could be anything by The Eames Era | ] |
I'm still having trouble sleeping. I've tried everything. I'm exhausted right now and just can't sleep. I don't even know why. I tried listening to all the instrumental music that was on my iPod tonight, which consisted of two songs from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and a song that I heard on Veronica Mars. So with three songs on repeat, that didn't really do much for me. I'm thinking about buy one of those "classical music for sleep" cds in the morning. Or later today I should say, since it's almost 2:30am. This is so ridiculous. I have a feeling it's starting to worry Michael too. He woke up three times tonight already. Once when I put my journal away and started reading a book written by my sister's friend, once when I turned out the light and then immediately turned it back on the fish for my iPod in my bag, and then right now when I got out of the bed and went to the kitchen where I store my laptop on the breakfast table. He has been texting me while he's at working asking when I went to bed, how I slept and when I woke up. It's cute, but I don't want him to be worried about my sleeping patterns. The thing is it's not because I'm sleeping with him. I've been sleeping with him for three months and this started like two weeks ago. It's unbearable. I can't stand it. I'm rambling now. I don't even really know if this makes any sense acutally.
I'm going to look for funny icons now...yes, that's how I'm going to spend my time. Goodie. |
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| Boy, oh boy. |
[May. 19th, 2008|01:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The living room. | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | CNN = politics. | ] |
I've been having trouble sleeping lately. It's a recent problem, something that's only come up in the past week. But, it's something that's bothering me. For some reason I can't turn off my mind once the lights go out. I look over at Michael sleeping soundly and I actually get jealous of the fact that he is able to sleep. It's almost as if he has nothing to think about or his exhaustion is just too much for his body to handle. Either way, he is able to sleep and I am not.
I find myself having too much to think about when I should be sleeping. I think about family issues, job issues, school issues, softball issues, issues about having too many issues. Just about anything you can think of, I've though of in the wee hours of the night. Of course, now that I really think about it everything has just been sort of coming together this week.
In the past week, I've quit playing softball. Something that was, to quote Gabby, my oxygen. And as much as I want to admit to myself that I'm not going to regret this decision, in truth, I know I am. How could I not? I've been playing the sport since I was nine years old. I've basically outcasted myself from most of the world because of it. In reality, I think that is the main reason that I'm quitting. I'm sick of not doing something because it's going to effect my playing. I'm sick not being able to concentrate on school or having a life because of softball. I'm just entirely sick of softball. Everything about it. I don't care if I 'm good at it or not, I'm sick of the outcome. Why play my heart out every day just to not even make it to the region playoffs in a region that we should have won hands down. It was pathetic and embarassing to be beat by a team of shit-talking freshman. And even more pathetic that the other teams in out region could pick up the slack that we left. So though I know that hanging up my cleats is quite possibly the hardest decision of my life, I know that it's going to make me happier. And nothing is more important than that. Right? |
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chipper